You’re sitting at the kitchen table with a Carlsberg can in one hand and a lighter in the other. You forget how long 20-30seconds can feel like.

Oh wow, the room is tilting. You are on a slope. You lean back in your chair, but feel like the back might break away if you lean too heavily. You and Neil are giggling maniacally, and Douglas says something about his ass falling off. He tries to lean against the slanted house.


Pins and needles rush at you gently, as through you are standing in front of a stream of energy. Douglas and Neil are talking, though about what, you are not sure. Fact is, you feel like you are suddenly in a shopping mall, on the third floor, staring around at purple-greenish-blue floors and railings, and a woman stands in front of you looking like a cut-out paper doll against the diorama of the shopping mall–which, at some point, is no longer a mall, but a cross between a doll house and a BBQ party. In walk Minnie Mounse and Daisy Duck, and the pins and needles flow into you faster, harder, and the room is still very tilty.

It’s a BBQ, what would you like to eat? Can Douglas and Neil see you? Douglas is gone, and Daisy Duck offers you a plum. It looks like a syrup infused plum, which she chucks into the river of pins and needles; it floats toward you, and you stick out your tongue for a taste. Can’t quite get a taste, you lean sideways in your chair, and Neil sees you licking at the air. You laugh, realizing that you must look ridiculous.

The plum splits and proliferates like single-celled bacteria, and the entire river of pins and needles in wrought with syrupy plums. You place your palms against the air as though it were a glass window. Your tongue falls out of your mouth as you lick at the air, and you keep leaning over, over, sideways.

You fall out of your chair. Hit the floor, and the river overtakes you. Drives into your body, flattens you against the rug, and you roll your head to the left to look for help. Neil, don’t leave! Jesus, this is ridiculous. Minnie and Daisy are watching, but say nothing.

You are seriously confused, but slowly become more lucid. The Disney characters have left, and the room is no longer like a paper-cut out diorama, but your speech would indicate otherwise. Your epiphany is that the German girl, Julia, aka Homegirl, is a hybrid of Minnie and Daisy. She pays you not attention, seems neither flattered nor offended.


Enough of this business. Neil says something about wanting to go for a swim. A swim? Have fun! It’s too cold. No, he says. You can swim in the pool in his head. You reach over and open up his skull, lift it back and peer inside at the water. He shakes his head rapidly and sprays you with water. Watery brains. Crazy. He apologizes for the mess. No worries. You don’t mind being splashed by Neil brains.

Categories: Ireland, Parties | Leave a comment

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