1) You are horny.
2) 18 cups of coffee never helps.
3) You asked Jane where you could find an intelligent meathead. At first she thought it might be an oxymoron, but then she said look in the mirror.
4) Mood swings are a bitch.
5) Drinking Jameson from the bottle isn’t as satisfying as chugging Knob Creek.
6) Rugby is better than American Football.
7) Soccer still sucks.
8) Advice of the week: don’t stay in a fancy hotel in India, unless you want to get blown up.
9) Breaking a padlock on an electric highway traffic sign isn’t as easy as it looks in the movies.
10) On clay demonstrations: “Back in Scientology school,” is definitely a weird way to begin a story.